


fake you out

by requiemzoe



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, Sad, Suicide Attempt, vent writing lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-05 19:30:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12196197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/requiemzoe/pseuds/requiemzoe
Summary: prompt: person a is sitting in their bathtub, wanting to drown themselves/otherwise commit suicide. they're in the middle of the act when person b finds them.((trigger warning bc duh suicide and all that))





	1. Chapter 1

camila has been in the bathroom for a long time.

she's sitting in her bathtub, and she's been staring at the wall in front of her for at least an hour. she's crying, but she doesn't feel much of anything except for the tears tickling her cheeks as they trickle down, down, down. the water has long gone cold, but she isn't thinking about that. she's thinking about just putting her head under and gasping. it would be the perfect time, after all- her parents are home (that's no surprise), and lauren is at volleyball practice until four. it's three thirty. 

she's vaguely considering digging out the razor blade that's in the case for her retainer and/or googling how long it takes to drown. she's standing up, letting the water drip off of her, and just standing there. she's walking out of the bathtub, looking behind the mirror. she's grabbing her retainer, which she forgot to put on last night. she pops the thing in her mouth, all blue plastic and metal, knowing that it won't fix her fucked up teeth. she sucks until it's flush in place and picks up the razor as well, getting back into the freezing water but not wincing at all.

she doesn't feel anything. she'll never feel anything again, in a second. 

but she hesitates, and she's staring at the wall again and twirling the razor between her fingers when her front door unlocks.

she doesn't care who finds her, but she has to do this now if she wants to die, and holy shit, does she want to die.

as gracefully as possible, she grips the blade between her thumb and index finger and presses the cold metal (everything is too cold, too cold, too cold) into her wrist, digging right into one of the veins. her lip starts to bleed as she bites down on it, hard, but it barely registers as she presses harder. she wants to make sure that it's really in there before she starts to drag it down. this cannot fail.

"camzi?"

camila's heart stops. she's slowly brought back into reality, into conciousness. lauren is home early, and she's sitting naked in her bathtub with a razor in her wrist. "d-uh, yeah? w-what is it, babe?" she says, her voice raspy from not having used it in several hours. maybe if she can just get lauren to leave for long enough-

"are you okay?" her heart falls to her feet at the worried tone in lauren's voice. this is what she's leaving behind. this- her leaving would crush lauren. 

what to do, what to do? lie and say yes, and finally get her wish at the cost of breaking lauren's heart? swallow her pride and say no, and suffer through this life with the girl she loves? the clock is ticking.

"no!" she spits out, chest starting to heave as her throat closes up. she brings her right hand away to cover her mouth, and the razor stays in her wrist, standing alert. the sight of it makes her gag. "no! lauren, p-please help, please- come in here, please, please," she trails off, mumbling and praying to gods she doesn't even believe in that lauren remembers how to pick locks.

she does, camila finds, when lauren busts into the bathroom about two seconds later. her hair is a mess, like it always is when she comes home from practice, and her white jeans are dirty. she's looking the girl up and down, just being in love with her when it registers that she's screaming. oh, lauren is screaming because- oh.

"camzi, no, baby-" her mouth is opening and closing, but no words come out. she drops to her knees as she gingerly takes the razor out.

it hurts more going out than it did going in, but camila has a sneaking suspicion that she might've not been in her right mind when it was going in. "ah!" is what the cry she lets out sounds like. "i know, my love, i-i know, shh, i know," lauren soothes as she snatches a bath towel out of the bin, letting the razor fall to the floor. she wraps it tight around camila's wrist, which is dripping blood at an alarming rate.

"why would you do this, camila?" lauren asks as the phone rings. camila assumes she's calling 911, but her vision is starting to go like when she passed out in disney world when she was eight.

"had to," are the last words she says until everything goes black. the last thing she registers is the operator saying "units are on their way" and lauren holding her so, so tight.

the last thing she remembers thinking is making a note to self to apologize to lauren for getting her shirt wet.


	2. Chapter 2

when camila wakes up, the room is dark, but she's quick to realize it isn't hers. there's a glowing digital clock, displaying "6:03" loudly in green letters. on top of that, there's what appears to be a tv. 

something shifts next to her in the dark and she flinches, waiting until her eyes adjust to the dark to look to her left. 

there's her girl- wearing her hoodie, the one that says "palmetto senior high swimming", the one that says "cabello" on the back. she's all folded over in one of those shitty hospital armchairs, legs danging over the armrest. camila takes a moment to just look at her, or at least what she can see in the darkness. her nose twitches a little bit and she pushes a lock of hair out of her face. camila smiles but decides not to wake her up.

she rolls over and goes back to sleep.

 

the second time camila wakes up, the clock says "9:43". the room is still dark, but lauren isn't in the armchair. she decides to sit up- painfully, all her joints cracking like she hasn't moved in days. she sits with her legs folded the way sofi calls "criss-cross applesauce". she vaguely wonders why when she notices all the wires she's hooked up to, and the newly formed scar on her left wrist.

she's sitting, staring at the stitches when lauren walks in.

the light from the hallway makes camila flinch, as it's that hospital light that makes her feel sick, the one she's seen too many times.

"camzi?" lauren says quietly, like she can't believe it's her. she walks up to her, slowly, and it reminds camila of the time they met that deer outside of 7/11 at 3 in the morning and lauren walked up to it the way she's walking up to camila now, like she'll run at any moment. "hey." camila says even quieter, and she's taken aback a bit at how raspy her voice is. 

lauren doesn't say anything else, just comes up to the side of her bed and kisses camila like she'll break if she presses too hard. camila's hands move to cup her face, rest of the back of her neck, run her hands through lauren's hair, pull her closer, until she's sitting on camila's lap lightly. 

"the nurses are gonna kill me if they walk in and see me sitting on you." lauren mumbles against her lips, resting her hands softly on the hospital gown camila is clad in.

"ah, well." camila laughs a little, interwines her fingers with lauren's, moves so they're laying down and lauren is just about as close as she can get to her girl.

 

"why did you do it, camila?" lauren asks the third time that they wake up, foreheads together and legs tangled up at "10:22". 

"lauren, i don't-"

"i think that you owe me an answer."

camila sighs, because she's right. 

"i didn't wanna live anymore."

lauren hums softly, the vibrations tickling camila's lips. that's how close they are- their lips are brushing together and it makes camila feel 15 again, when they were sitting in the back of dinah's car in a mcdonald's parking lot and they kissed for the very first time.

"what are you thinking?" lauren almost-whispers.

"you."

camila can't see her smile, but she can feel it.

"i'm glad i called you. i don't- um, i would've missed your smile. a lot. and that's why i stayed, i think. for you. i stayed for you, baby." camila almost-whispers back.

lauren doesn't say anything, just pulls camila closer by the small of her back. "don't ever do this to me again. please. please?" lauren says, and she can hear the tears that are about to come.

"shh. i know. i won't, okay? don't cry. i won't. i'm not going anywhere." and camila hopes lauren knows she means it as she kisses away her tears and holds her in the dark.

 

"i'm sorry for getting your shirt wet." camila mumbles into lauren's neck on the way home from the hospital. they're in the backseat of dinah's car, again, but this time they're heading down I-75. (they will stop for mcdonald's, though.)

"what?"

"when you came to get me. i got your shirt wet. and stained it. sorry."

lauren laughs a little bit, the kind of laugh that camila knows means "i can't believe you just said that".

"i can't believe you just said that."

lauren doesn't say anything else, doesn't accept her apology, but camila feels her tighten her grip around her waist. like she's scared camila will leave.

 

"i love you." camila says that night as lauren picks her up and puts her on the counter so she can sit there while she cooks. 

"i love you more." lauren says back, like it's a reflex. instinct.

"no, lauren-" she cups lauren's face in one hand softly, her left one, where the scar is. "i love you." she says again.

lauren rests one hand on camila's thigh, the other cupping her left wrist softly. "i love you more." 

camila knows she means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> closure chapter yayyayayayayyyayayayyayayayyayyayayay

**Author's Note:**

> sorry 4 being a depressing piec eof shit lmao  
> ((part 2 ?? ill do part 2 if yall wanna read it and stuff))


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